The Journey: Dance Update 5

My last update was in November of 2015 which was a whole year and five months ago! It has been so long since I've done an update, I don't even know where to begin. I will say, dance has been the only consistent thing in my life over this past year and five months.

Ok, let's see...I'll start with an update on my dance education program I began at NCCU.

When I made the decision to follow this dance passion I knew it would not come easily and I could feel fear rising up. The first year of the program was extremely challenging for me. I had to deal with feelings of inadequacy and fear the most. Compared to the other dancers in my program and in my dance classes, I felt like I looked like a fish out of water. In my mind, at my age, I believed I should be further along as a dancer than where I was but one of my professors reminded me that I was not being fair to myself. She made me see how unfair it was to feel like I should be on the other dancers' level when I have not had the same amount of training as they have had. I didn't start dancing until I got to college and prior to starting the program had no other formal training. So technically I was on the right track. I had a minor break down moment in preparation for our Spring Dance Concert, April 1-2, 2016 . We had a choreographer named Kavin Grant come and choreograph a piece for us. He worked us so hard and it was the hardest I had ever worked on a dance. We practiced nonstop for hours over the course of two days, I believe. He was tough, but I liked him. I was being challenged more than I ever had; it was uncomfortable but in the end I really appreciated the experience. Okay, let's rewind back to the practices. During one day of the practices I almost walked out. Every thought of defeat and all of the feelings of inadequacy all rose up together and convinced my mind that I could not do it. Everything was telling me that I could not be a dancer, that I was not and would never be "good enough", that I didn't belong in the program, and that I was wasting time following a passion like dance at my age. Somewhere in the dance, Kavin wanted us to pick up another dancer and carry her across the floor. At that point during practice that day, I was mentally and physically exhausted. Not to mention the song and the concept were emotionally exhausting. During his duration with us, he had us confronting the demons that hinder us and he was pushing us to fight past our insecurities. So, when he asked us to practice picking up another dancer, I made one effort, couldn't do it and got frustrated. I wasn't solely upset about not being able to do the move, it was more so a culmination of everything that had been plaguing my mind, that I mentioned before. Everything came to a head and I was ready to quit. I'm so thankful that a few of the other ladies talked with me and helped calm me down. I made it through the practices, finished the dance, and performed it both nights of our show along with two other pieces, one by Sherone Price and another by Kristi Johnson. Below are a few pictures from the show and a video of Kavin's piece, "Identity." (Btw, I'm the next to the last, on the right)

Update: Kavin passed away in March 2019. I am forever grateful that I had the opportunity to meet him and learn from him. He was tough on us during the setting of his dance piece but we needed it.